(photos from PerezHilton.com)

Goldie Hawn is 63 years old. (Gasp!)

While most people think that she is still hawt and a MILF, I’m gonna shut that down. She’s not all that. She looks like she is trying to compete with these 20 year olds, dressing the way she does. Kate Hudson should be embarrassed.

I just find it rather strange that people her age would still want to go to a trendy, younger nightclub or restaurant just to be seen. But I digress. Whatever they have to do to stay in the spotlight, then go ahead. You don’t see Tina Turner all up in the club with her freakum’ dress on, or Morgan Freeman doing the Cha cha slide, do you?

So here are some signs that someone you know (or maybe you) might be too old for the club.

1. You get to the club at nine and leave at ten. Most of the time, people leave their house at ten or later and party till the club closes. You? You’re too tired and want to go to bed.

2. Your style consists of a jogging suit and penny loafers. Maybe worse, you have a polyester outfit like Jerome from “Martin”. Or your definition of a freakum’ dress is that housedress you’ve worn for years. I often wonder why it always says on the flyer that the dress code is enforced, but they still manage to let them in, no matter what. 

3. You ask for Thunderbird (or Mad Dog 20/20) at the bar. Come on, people, step your liquor game up. If you wanted Thunderbird, you could have stayed at home.

4. You complain that the music is too loud. Imagine telling the DJ to turn the music down. HA! Now you have to turn down your hearing aid.

5. You ask for a senior citizen discount off of the cover charge. Let’s face it, ladies get in free before a certain time, men have to bring in like two or three women in order to get in. Here you are, asking why you can’t get a break. Worse, you’re showing your Medicare card at the door.

6. You find yourself wanting to party with your kids/grandkids and/or their friends. There is nothing more embarrassing than going to the club with your parents or grandparents. Do you see us trying to go to Bingo with you?

Bonus for the ladies: if you are flirting with the bouncer and offering to do sexual favors with no teeth in your mouth, you NASTY!!